Who doesn’t feel like they struggle with their kids? We all know Parenting is one of the most challenging experiences as well as one of the most rewarding, and we all need parenting tips and advice.

Unless you’re someone who’s had amazing parenting training on how to be a great parent, you probably wonder at times, how do I raise my kids to be good Muslims who contribute and do well in life?  Islamic parenting starts through role modelling by the parents. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him taught that you lead through your actions. To raise God Conscious children there are 7 tips that every parent needs to include in their parenting:

1. The need for a parenting plan
2. Children need structure and routine
3. Children need Nurturing, not just Education
4. Why parents will not go to hell if their children misbehave
5. How do other parents get it right
6. How to give unconditional Love when you’re Angry
7. Children are innocent, NOT malicious

Help I want to raise God conscious children that are ideal Muslims! if that’s you then you I will inform you right now that the Ideal Muslim is the Prophet Muhammad ( peace and blessings be upon him). He was taught through divine revelation, Allah guided him in every step of His life. The Angel Gibraeel ( peace be upon him) would come to him and aid him with mental and spiritual nurturing through the Quran and Sunnah.

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The good news is that you can do the same (no Angels I’m afraid), through understanding the Quran and traditions of the Messenger (Sunnah) insha’Allah you can slowly but surely educate and nurture yourself to be great parents and raise amazing kids.

In this article insha’Allah, I will share with you 7 tips that every parent needs to think about when coming up with it with their own parenting plan. And that’s the first thing that we will address how to create a plan so that you have an idea of what you’re doing as you’re raising your children.

1. The need for a parenting plan.

In our working lives or our life, in general, we set ourselves goals for what we want to achieve and we plan out how we going to get them. In fact, many parents before having children, they planned the process of having children, but that planning usually stops when the child arrives.

Islamic parenting requires us to be prepared for raising children and to ensure that we have the easiest life possible, as life as parents can be tough. It requires us to have a plan in place that covers for the children’s needs, as well as ours.

If you’ve gone through 12 months with your family without having a plan, then I’m pretty sure that by the end of the year you’re looking back, thinking about all the things that you would have liked to have happened, but they didn’t happen, which makes you unhappy. Or maybe you’ve had struggles with your children and you’ve not reacted in the best possible way, and then you spend time feeling guilty about how you’re failing your kids. First of all, you are new at parenting, meaning that you had no prior training on how to raise children. So, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Not being hard on yourself means, stop beating yourself up for the mistakes that you’re making.

The solution: Start Planning, even if you do it just for 3 months at a time. It will help you take the next 3 months of your family life with structure. You don’t always have to think about what shall we do this weekend, or how do we keep the children entertained so that they don’t misbehave. You don’t have to always motivate the children to get out of bed when you’ve planned an amazing day out.

You see one of the joys of life is anticipation, and if you plan your family life and every member of the family knows about it, then they will look forward to the very same things that you look forward to. Anticipation creates excitement and it’s going to be one of your most valued assets.

2. Children need Structure and Routine.

Many of us fear structure because we feel as though it makes life rigid and disciplined. Just the word discipline itself conjures up feelings of negativity in so many people’s minds. However, we are in great need of structure as parents as structure gives the child all of the possible advantages they can get in their early years.

Take yourself for example, if you wake up and go to sleep whenever you feel like it, how will that affect your day. If you eat whatever you like, no matter how unhealthy, how will that affect your mental and physical health? Do you think that you will be full of the energy that’s needed to have a great day?

How about if you do whatever you feel like all day long and not fulfill any of your responsibilities and did this every day for a whole week. What do you think the week will look like when you look back at it at the end? do you think you would’ve had a week where you’ve progressed and accomplished things in your family life, your personal life or your work life? Or could it be that many of the most important things have not been done?

No doubt, a life without structure is a life waiting for chaos. Nothing great in the world was ever established, no great buildings, the discovery of the plane, huge organisations that cater for millions of people, none of this was accomplished without structure.

In Islam, Allah teaches us structure through the 5 pillars which organises our entire lives. And those 5 pillars, then going to greater detail in order to help us to achieve the best possible outcome in each area of our lives. Allah has organised our daily lives around the 5 daily prayers, this is structure. Periodically throughout the day, we take a break from everything in our lives. In order to reconnect to Allah through the 5 daily prayers. Life without structure can become chaotic.

The solution: is to plan that structure and routine into your daily life for both you and your family, and it will have the effect of organising your lives so that it becomes easier.

3. Children need Nurturing, not just Education

We are all so concerned with education that we look out for the best schools and the best education systems and we try to ensure that our children get the best so that it sets them up for life. But the most important part of education is the nurturing, and this is the role of parents. Nurturing is the act of bringing all that information to life.

In education, we pick up all of the information that we need, the rules and the regulations and the guidance, and then through nurturing, we take that information and we put it into action in our daily lives.

Giving children, rules, and regulations without nurturing them on how to live according to that is useless. They’re children and they’re a blank slate. They don’t know how, until we show them how. So nurturing is the most important thing and the best way that we can do this is by taking the information and living it ourselves.

The Solution:  You can’t nurture a child on information that you don’t have yourself. So, in order to do the nurturing needed, you yourself have to learn and understand from the Quran and the Sunnah on how to be an ideal Muslim. Don’t worry about being perfect, just learn the information and start to put it into practice into your daily life. Once you can do it in your own life. You can show your children how to do it.

4. Why parents will not go to hell if their children misbehave.

I’ve had conversations with many parents, generally from the older generations who believe that they will be punished for the sins of their children. Usually, they’re talking about their adult children and mostly this isn’t true. If you as a parent teach your children to be good Muslims, and then they go on to commit sins when they’re older you are not responsible. The only time you are responsible is if you taught them to do those sins.

As for young children, they are born innocent and they do not commit sin. Even if they misbehave, Allah, the Most Merciful does not hold them to account until they reach the age of accountability. So if Allah is not holding them to account for their misbehaviour, then He will not hold you to account unless you’re teaching them bad behaviour.

The Solution: So, our jobs as parents is to raise them the best that we can and try to understand that they are independent of us. Children are their own people. And when they come to the age of accountability, as long as you’ve taught them the guidelines and shown them in your own behaviour, how to live according to it, then Allah, the Most Merciful will reward you and will not punish you.

5. How do other parents get it right

A huge problem that most of us parents have is that we look at other parents who are seemingly doing really well with their children and we feel as though they’re great parents, and where not.

The truth is, every family has ups and downs, good times and bad times. The likelihood is that you’re looking at them when they’re having a good moment and you assume that their whole family life is exactly the same. If you look at your own family life, clearly you will see that there are many great moments when you enjoy each other’s company and there are many moments when you don’t. All families are like that.

The solution: be merciful to yourself and stay on a constant path of learning and developing as an individual and as a parent. The first source of knowledge is always the Quran and the Sunnah, and then all of the other parenting books and courses that you will find out there.

6. How to give unconditional Love when you’re Angry

Patience is not something that we’re just born with. It’s something that you have to work at, and in the Arabic language they give the synonyms for patients as restraint and bracing oneself, holding yourself back. When you’re angry you have to practice patience, hold yourself back from acting or saying.  That’s the best form of love you can show.

One way of extinguishing your anger is to tell yourself that “your child is a loving, amazing child”, at the very moment when you’re feeling that anger. These words have the effect of water on fire over your mind. And if they didn’t extinguish the anger immediately, then keep saying this to yourself. Psychologically you’re talking yourself out of a negative mind frame into a positive one. Trust me it’s not easy, but insha’Allah if you persist it will work.

7. Children are innocent, NOT malicious

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

Every child is born upon the Fitrah, natural disposition (upon Islam and submission to Allah), and then his parents raised him as a Jew or a Christian or Magian.

(Sahih Muslim)

In this statement, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) teaches us that every child is born pure and has a natural inclination towards being God conscious and towards worshipping Allah, and becoming the best that this world has ever seen. Then it is the parents who raise them into whatever they become.

So, your child was born, innocent, sinless and with an inclination towards worshiping Allah alone and pleasing him. As the child grows if they’re not staying upon the Fitrah (natural disposition), then it’s because the environment that we provide for our children is not guiding them towards that.

The Solution: You can change this and improve it slowly by having a plan and structure, by connecting to Allah yourself, by seeking an understanding Islamic acknowledge and then living it in your own life.

To conclude the role of parenting in Islam is a process of supporting a child’s physical and emotional development. As the child grows older, we need to help them to intellectually develop and to become more socially adept. That seems like a lot of work, and the shortcut to that is for us to become who we want our child to be.

I realise that parenting has probably been the greatest training I’ve ever had to go through in life. Children force you to grow up, they force you to see all of your floors, your shortcomings. And unless you work on yourself to become a great parent, a great person and a great Muslim, then we won’t have what we need to Islamically raise our children.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

 “All of you are a leader over your flock”

Every one of us is a leader in life. To lead your family, you have to learn the skills of leadership. You have to learn how to look after those who you are in your care and learn how to be kind and compassionate and loving. It’s no easy job to be a leader of the family, but that’s the responsibility that Allah believes you are worthy of.  And that’s why Allah blessed you with these children.

You see, when we look at our children, we see mirror reflections of ourselves, because they become who they are, based on our behaviours. So, if you see some things that you don’t like, then it’s best to start working on yourself and turn to Allah for help. Always ask as He is always there to help.

Allah says.

“And if my servant asks about me, tell them indeed I am near, and I answer the supplication of the one who calls out.

Quran, Surah Al Baqarah